


Warm

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Hero’s Soup, M/M, Mentioned Eating Habits, Other, PTSD, Panic Attack, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Plz don’t read if you get triggered, Violence, anxiety attack, changbin calls felix baby ;), i want y’all to be safe, love everyone MWAH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-01 23:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20266342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Felix starts questioning his part in Hero’s Soup.





	Warm

FELIX sat at his desk, a small lamp illuminating the small room which he shared with his 2 fellow members. He couldn’t sleep, if you couldn’t already tell. Felix looked own at his hands and he sighed. They wouldn’t stop shaking. Felix didn’t know why his hands were acting as they were having a mini earthquake in them. 

Today, had been a confusing day for the boy. They had started the recording of Hero’s Soup. Although, he was Korean, he hadn’t grown up in the country, meaning he had little understanding of what this song meant to his fellow Korean members. 

Changbin had filled him in on the message of this song and the stories behind it. he felt like he was intruding. Changbin had told him everything with tears threatening to spill over. He didn’t know anything and he felt bad. “Why am I in this song if I have no idea about it?” Felix questioned himself.

Alcohol, the main propaganda of the song. How Koreans have to drink and drink to keep their social status for their family. He couldn’t understand. Felix’s dad never drank for their family, no, he drank his problems away. he drank until he passed out. he drank until he got bored of beating Felix.

That thought made him shiver. Felix could still remember everything clearly. His hands shook more. After all the years since he came to Korea, he tried to push everything that reminded him of his Father to the back of his mind, in a folder with a key that had been thrown away. It was never meant to open.

In barely a span of a minute all the memories that Felix attempted to throw away had resurfaced and now overtaking his mind. He felt something warm drip down his hands. “Oh.” He huffed, he was crying, something he didn’t do since his elimination because he had finally made it.

Felix shook his head and sighed. His hand reached over for the lamp as he used his unstable hand to turn off the lamp. Though, after he had turned the lamp off, Felix didn’t move an inch out of his seat. he sat in the dark, trying to calm down as he listened to the soft snores of his members sleeping. Felix sat there until the sun started to beam once again. 

Since he didn’t sleep Felix decided to get up extra early to help his members, still feeling like a burden to have sung his parts in Hero’s Soup. Recording was at 7AM, Felix sat in the kitchen at 5:00 AM and silently drunk tea, thinking of what he could make his members for breakfast. Felix places his mug of tea down and opened the fridge, scanning it for food. His eyes landed on something in the fridge that was the last thing he wanted to see. Alcohol. He froze, “it’s just alcohol.. I’ll be okay..” Felix silently said to himself.

He could feel it again, after his mini-breakdown at the crack of dawn, his hands started to shake once again. They wouldn’t mind toasted waffles, right? He surely hoped so because that’s all they had that was not in the fridge with... That.

After toasting only 6 waffles he could hear stirring from his room. Woojin. He knew it, only Woojin was crazy enough to wake up this early. Felix neared woojin open the door, and silently close it. He would call out to Woojin to announce his presence in the kitchen, but Felix couldn’t trust that his voice would do any good without a crack or a stutter. So, he opted to stay silent.

The sluggish sounds of Woojin’s footsteps made their way closer to Felix in the kitchen. He froze as he took the 2 waffles out of the toaster. “H-hey hyung.” Felix said, “damnit..” he murmured under his breath because of course, he stuttered. Felix thought maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

Felix hated that it was Woojin seeing him right now. Woojin was like windex, he could take any dirty window, throw himself into it and clearly see what was inside. He admired him, but slightly despised his observant trait.

“Felix,” Woojin started. Ah shit, thought Felix. “Are you okay?” Felix turned to face Woojin and tried to put on his best smile to convince the older, that everything was, indeed, okay. “Morning Hyung! Of course I’m fine. How was your sleep?” Felix knew that he was being painfully obvious trying to avoid the conversation that Woojin was starting. But, as long as it worked, it would be okay, right? 

“You’re too obvious. CHA-“ Felix slaps his hands over Woojin’s mouth. Of course their main vocalist had such a powerful voice. “Woojin-hyung, don’t bother Chan-hyung, please? I-I’m not ready, give me time?” “Felix , you’re obviously trying to hi-“”Please?” Felix pleaded once more, drawing out his best puppy eyes, though the tears threatening to spill were not part of the act.

“Fine, be grateful that you’re cute,” Felix sighed in relief, “But, I’ll make you open up sooner or later. We care for you, yeah?” Felix was dejected, but he was happy that woojin cared so dearly for him, he nodded with a smile and held his arms out. Woojin stood confused for a moment until he walked into Felix’s embrace. They stood in each other’s arms before Felix heard the smell of waffles burning. that is a story for another time. 

as the minutes were passing by, Felix could hear all of his members wake, while some got ready, and well, Changbin attempting to drag himself out of bed. While Felix sat at the table, quietly munching on his waffle, surprising not burnt. He watched as Hyunjin walks in. 

“Feeeelixxx!” Hyunjin beard as he draped his arms around Felix’s narrow shoulders. Hyunjin picked up a waffle and quickly put it in his mouth, walking over to the fridge. Felix watched him, because who wouldn’t? Hyunjin was so handsome. 

Hyunjin opened the fridge before giving a chance for Felix to realize what he was doing. The fridge open wide and the dozen bottles of soju and a few other various kinds of alcohol sat on display, gleaming for him to see. Suddenly, he felt his stomach drop. Although Felix didn’t have much in his stomach, he could still feel the little remains of the waffle he was eating stir up in his stomach. Felix felt the urge to throw up everything, even if it was just water and bile. 

Felix mind ran as he looked down into his lap, away from the view of the fridge. He put his waffle o the table. But, god dammit of course he saw the dinner table. “It’s just a fucking dinner table..” he thought to himself, but of course. The dinner table. The dinner table was were his father always drank his life away. the dinner table was in the kitchen. Oh god, the kitchen.

The kitchen always reminded him of the times he would go down when his father drank, seeking something to fill his empty stomach. But, no, he would just go from an empty and flat stomach, to an empty stomach that was painted with different colour bruises with a large amount of various shapes.

Felix jumped up, he needed to get out of the kitchen. He felt so pathetic. Memories from not very long ago were surfacing, and even the fucking kitchen caught his breath in his lungs. 

He doesn’t recall anything by the time hr run out of the kitchen or that he was now sitting in the recording studio with 2 bickering children by his side. He felt empty, he didn’t know anything. He doesn’t know anything about that warm hero’s soup. All he knew was that his father did not eat warm hero’s soup to get sober, he filled his appetite with Felix’s crying on the floor beneath him. Felix’s father fed off his pain. 

Currently, Woojin was the one recording his lines, he was grateful, because Felix knew that he certainly didn’t look very well right now. Though, Woojin would definitely be out soon well because, he’s Woojin. 

He clutched his chest, and put his head down. The anxiety was coming back up, the feeling in his stomach transferred to his lungs and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. His breath was catching up to him and oh god he couldn’t breathe, would it be the end now if—

2 firm hands landed on his shoulders.

“Oi, Felix, it’s your turn.” English. That voice, only belong to his best friend who was closest to home. But home was the last thing he wanted to remember. Sure, he was homesick a lot during his trainee period, but right now there was no good memories of “home”. It was Chan.

Felix slapped Chan’s hands off his shoulder. He attempted to take a breath, “D-don’t touch .. touch me..” Felix barely managed to get out while his breath was sucking him in. 

The whole room got louder, Felix felt hands on him that were meant to be comforting but they felt 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨. He felt as if snakes were crawling all over him again, memories once again resurfacing.

He started crying. The hands around him didn’t make him feel better like they always did, the made him nervous that a blow would go to head. “L-let go ! P-please ju-just let go..” Felix said through sobs, barely audible because of the small amount of oxygen in his lungs. He closed his eyes.

Felix felt hands on his face. He cried harder, “will this hurt me?” he thought. “Hey, Felix. Don’t close your eyes on me.” Oh god, the soothing sound of Changbins voice was a remedy to Felix. He barely opened his eyes when Changbin moved his face to face his. 

Felix barley opened his eyes, when the small of his pupil met Changbin’s. They weren’t filled with hatred, or rage. Even if his words spoke with a little venom, his eyes said something different. His eyes read the line, “I care for you”.

Changbin slowly soothed his cheeks, as his hands made his way around his waist and into a warm hug. “Cry it all out, it’s going to be all okay. It’s okay.” That’s it. That’s what Felix needed to hear. It was okay to cry. He could cry without another smack across his face. He started crying more.

Felix heard Changbin whisper something through his rather loud sobs, and the sound of feet shuffling and the door closing. Changbin released the younger and looked into his eyes again. Felix realized his breathing was no longer stuck. 

“You’re okay now, nothing is going to hurt you.” Felix nodded his head, eyes still filled with tears. “C-Changbin hyung..” Felix said as he wrapped his arms around Changbin’s small figure. 

After a few minutes, or maybe an hour. Felix couldn’t tell the difference. Changbin finally grabbed Felix’s hands gently and took them off him and held them as he looked into his brown orbs. “What.. What happened?” Changbin asked, concern and worry laced in each syllable. 

“I.. I j-just remembered something I shouldn’t have..” Felix said in a hushed whisper, not wanting to leak too many details. Too difficult to get out of. “Could you tell hyung what you remembered ? Can you do that for hyung, baby?” Felix froze. He liked that. Baby. 

“‘m sorry hyung... I-I don’t think i can do it.” Felix said as he twirled his fingers. Felix finally looked into Changbin’s eyes once more, and liked them. They were twinkling with love. “That’s okay, baby. We can talk about this another time, right ?” Changbin asked, hesitation in his voice. Felix responded with a small nod.

Changbin smiled, he studied Felix for a moment, looking for any signs of discomfort. He noticed Felix looked a bit anxious and he wanted to change that. He opened his mouth.

“Can I kiss you?”

Felix didn’t respond for a few moments and Changbin grew worried that he had made Felix uncomfortable until he finally spoke up. “Yeah, yeah. I.. I would like that.” Felix’s scratchy voice called out of him.

Changbin smiled and leaned in. His rather chapped lips pressed against Felix’s too, chapped lips. It was dry and sloppy. But, it was still a kiss. A kiss with his baby. He felt Felix smile into the kiss and he let go. They smiled at each other as they giggled into each other’s arms for the next...... Few hours.

**Author's Note:**

> hello !  
thanks for reaching the end of this and i hope u guys enjoyed even though my writing is,,,,,, questionable!!


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